This Isn't Everything You Are
by LuxEtVeritas10
Summary: Faced with unexpected news, Emily makes a decision about her future.


**A/N: I originally intended to post this in chapters but I have the whole thing completed and am feeling generous so enjoy. There's a small chance I may write an epilogue but for now just enjoy this as is. Reviews always are greatly appreciated**

"You should have seen the look on Ford's face when he saw Prentiss and I standing in his way. I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head!" A chuckle escaped JJ's mouth as she recounted how her and Emily had come upon Malcolm Ford, abductor, as he tried to escape from Derek. The team had returned from the case in Chicago a few days earlier and some of them had decided to go to a local bar to let off steam from a long, stressful week.

"He probably was just disappointed his 'charm' hadn't worked on you," Emily offered, before taking a swig of her beer.

"You're curious, aren't you?" JJ said in a deep voice, imitating Ford. She tried to keep a straight face but she couldn't prevent the smile that came over her face.

Emily leaned in close to the table and joined in, also imitating Ford, "You want to know our secret."

"Yeah right," JJ said, rolling her eyes as she leaned back into her seat in the booth, "I think I'll pass on that one."

"Not to be rude, but can we _please_ talk about something _other_ than serial killers and other low-life scumbags?" Garcia interjected. "I mean, I know it's our job but outside of work I prefer to pretend the world is puppy dogs and butterflies."

"And alcohol." Derek added, raising his beer glass.

"To alcohol!" JJ toasted, clinking her glass against Derek's. Emily, Penelope, and Reid echoed the toast and did the same.

Morgan and Reid began discussing news regarding a mutual friend. JJ turned to Emily, who was sitting across from her, "So, Em, do you want to go see that new movie with me? Penelope here refuses to go."

"I don't know JJ... I'm not a big fan of scary movies..." Emily started.

"Oh come on, not you, too!" JJ exclaimed. "I don't believe you two! You'd think given your occupations you'd be able to take a little suspenseful fiction!"

Penelope chimed into the conversation, "Did you not hear what I said earlier, sugarplum? Puppy dogs and butterflies."

JJ rolled her eyes and looked at Emily, "Come on, Emily. You can bring your gun and if that's not enough I'll protect you." She said this last part with a wink.

Emily felt herself start to blush, and hoped JJ didn't notice. "Okay, JJ, I'll go..."

JJ pumped her fist, "Yes! Victory!" She hadn't noticed Emily's suddenly flushed face, or if she did she just thought it was the alcohol. Garcia, though, missed nothing.

Emily finished the last of her drink and set it down, before sliding out of the booth. "I'll go get our next round. Everyone in?" Everyone nodded yes, except Garcia. Armed with the orders, Emily started towards the bar.

"I think I'll see if she needs help," added Garcia, standing up. She started walking the same direction as Emily had.

"Hey there gumshoe," she said, as she came up next to Emily at the bar.

"Hey Pen, I thought you said you didn't need anything?" She motioned to the bartender that she had an order.

"I don't, I just wanted to talk to my favorite raven-haired profiler."

Emily arched an eyebrow at this, suspiciously eying the other woman, "About what?"

Garcia leveled her gaze on the profiler and spoke very clearly, "She's not single, Emily."

Emily cleared her throat and stood erect, breaking eye contact, "I don't know what you're talking about, Garcia."

Penelope didn't budge. "Don't play dumb with me, miss mysterious. You forget that I see all."

Emily hesitated, considering her next move. Finally, she shrugged her shoulders and said, "We're just friends, Garcia." She gave her order to the bartender before continuing, trying her best to sound nonchalant, "I know our platonic status, just like I know she's not single, at least for right now-"

"They're getting married, Emily." Garcia interrupted. "They haven't told anyone yet but it's going to happen soon." She hated to do this to Emily, one of her closest friends, but she felt it was her responsibility, as her friend, to make sure she was prepared.

Emily's mouth fell open as she stared, wide-eyed at the tech analyst. The shock of the news had caused Emily to let her defenses drop just for a few brief moments, Garcia could tell from the look in the brunette's eyes that she had been right. But Emily quickly recovered, looking away and mumbling softly, "Good." Clearing her throat again, she continued, her voice sounding more firm, "Good. She deserves to be happy." She punctuated this with a tight smile that only someone who knew her, like Penelope, could tell was forced.

"They've been together for a while now, Emily. And they have Henry..."

"I said good, Garcia." Emily said quickly, but not in a rude manner. Her voice had just enough edge to make it clear she wanted to drop the subject.

"You don't have to do this, Emily." Garcia tried, her voice soft.

"Don't I?" Emily asked, this time her voice definitely having an edge to it, as if it was constrained, trying desperately to mask the emotion that was swirling in her entire body, making her numb. Both women were silent for a few moments. Garcia started to speak but Emily cut her off, "JJ and I are friends, Garcia. End of story."

Their drinks arrived and the bartender placed them on a tray for Emily to carry all of them back to the booth. Emily paid and thanked the man and reached for the tray. Garcia saw her close her eyes and take a deep breath as she muttered something to herself. After a few seconds, Emily opened her eyes and picked up the tray. She turned to Garcia and said, "Ready?" Emily sounded and looked happy.

Garcia sighed and turned to follow the profiler, "Sure, let's go."

They walked the short distance back to the group. "Alright, who's ready for the next round?" Prentiss called out as they approached.

After the drinks had been passed around, Emily retook her seat across from JJ. Garcia saw her take her beer and raise it to her lips. The brunette closed her eyes as she continued to gulp down the amber colored liquid as fast as she could.

JJ noticed, too. "Whoa there Prentiss, is this some kind of race?"

As all eyes turned to Emily, she opened her eyes and stopped drinking before shrugging. "Long week."

"You can say that again," was Morgan's response, as he took a drink himself.

The following Monday Emily was sitting at her desk completely immersed in the consult she was writing up.

"Hey Prentiss, what do _you_ think?" Morgan's voice broke her concentration.

"Hmm?" she responded absentmindedly as she hastily jotted down the last of her thoughts into the file. She finished and looked up.

Morgan was leaning back in his chair, his feet up on his desk. "I said I have two date prospects for this Friday: one blond, one brunette. Which one should I pick?"

Emily just stared at him in disbelief, prompting him to hold his hands up. "What?"

"That's it? I'm supposed to pick based on that?"

"Tell me about it," muttered JJ. Emily saw she was flipping through a file, apparently looking for something.

Morgan put his feet on the floor and leaned forward, "Okay Miss 'pick the blond, we're more fun'."

"That's cause we are," JJ retorted without missing a beat, a smirk fixed upon her face. The whole interaction she had continued to flip through the contents of the file but at this looked up and winked at Emily.

Emily couldn't help but laugh out loud as she shook her head.

Morgan started to say something else but was interrupted as Reid entered the bull pen. "Hey JJ, I just came from downstairs and this was waiting for you." He was carrying a vase with what could only have been a dozen red roses.

"Damn, JJ, special day?" Derek said, as Reid placed the vase on JJ's desk in front of her.

JJ turned red and became flustered, "Umm... not really..."

"You're blushing," Reid said very matter-of-factually. He had said it, not to embarrass her, but as a genuine observation, as if she and everyone else weren't already aware.

Morgan was a little more forceful. "Come on, girl, spit it out."

"Will and I are getting married!" JJ said all in one breath.

Emily felt the energy drain from her body while her heart rate seemed to triple. Garcia had tried to prepare her, and for that she was grateful, but nothing could have prepared her for the feeling of emptiness that came over her at hearing the words come directly from JJ herself. It took Emily a minute to realize that Morgan and Reid were now standing at JJ's desk, congratulating her, whereas Emily was still planted at her desk.

"Emily, you look ill." Reid again, always the keen observer.

Emily forced herself to stand and walk the short distance to her teammates. She used every once of remaining energy to attempt to smile. "No, no... just surprised!" Now standing next to the blond, she leaned in and gave her a quick hug. "Congratulations, JJ!"

"Thanks, Em," JJ said, hugging her back.

Morgan started to ask JJ details. Emily, sensing she wouldn't be able to put on her show much longer, interjected before JJ had a chance to respond, "You know, I just remembered I need to ask Hotch something." Realizing her departure must seem abrupt, she added quickly, "Congratulations again, JJ!"

She turned on her heels and began walking deliberately towards the Unit Chief's office, knowing what she needed to do.

JJ looked at Morgan, questioningly. He understood her question, but just shrugged in response. He didn't know what was going on either.

JJ stood in front of the full length mirror, taking everything in. It was the first time since she had woken up that she was alone. Her dress was a creamy off-white with a mermaid silhouette and a sweetheart neckline. Her hair, fixed in long curls, was pinned back loosely. The look was entirely classic, yet elegant, and the pearl necklace her mother had given her was just the right touch.

As she moved back towards the vanity to check her make-up one last time, there was a knock at the door. She beckoned in whomever it was.

"Wow," was all Emily could say, as she came up behind the blond. "JJ, you look..."

JJ turned towards the brunette and smiled as she trailed off.

Straightening up, Emily finished her sentence "Beautiful. You look absolutely beautiful."

"Aww, thanks Em!" JJ blushed. She then noticed Emily's outfit: jeans, a t-shirt, and a jacket. Hardly wedding attire. Her expression changed to one of confusion, with a hint of worry,"What's up?"

"I came to talk to you," responded Emily. JJ could tell she was nervous.

The blond turned back towards the vanity, and picked up her mascara. She eyed Emily in the mirror and then turned her attention to her reflection as she began applying the make-up. "About what? Cause as you can see, I'm a little busy-"

"I love you, Jennifer." Emily said very quickly, cutting JJ off. She hadn't meant for it to come out like this, but there it was. The truth.

JJ stopped mid-stroke of the mascara, still looking at herself in the mirror. Without looking at Emily, she put it down and turned to face the brunette. She looked at Emily, eyes wide with shock.

When JJ offered no words, Emily continued, in a haste, "I'm sorry, I know this is bad timing for a confession like this-"

"Bad timing? Emily, this is my wedding! To Will!" JJ interrupted, finding her voice.

Emily's shoulders deflated slightly, and her voice had a plea-like sound to it, "I know that," she said softly.

But JJ was on a roll, "Do you?"

"Yes," Emily almost whispered. "But the truth is, JJ, that I have loved you for years. And I thought – hoped – that maybe..."

"What? That I would return your feelings? Emily, you're my friend!" JJ retorted, still sounding incredulous, but not cruel, at what was unfolding. With each thing that JJ said, Emily's eyes appeared to grow sadder, as her energy drained.

Noticing the effect her tone was having on the brunette, JJ softened a little, "Look, Emily... maybe if you'd told me before... hell, maybe even if you'd told me a year ago things would be different."

"But?"

As much as what she was about to said pained her, JJ knew it needed to be said with no ambiguity. "I'm sorry but it's too late, Emily. You missed your chance. I love Will. I'm going to marry Will."

Emily nodded slightly, "I understand." She gave the blond a small smile and turned to go.

"Emily, wait." JJ's heart was breaking seeing her friend like this. "Perhaps we can talk later?" She offered.

"JJ, I'm leaving," Emily didn't turn around.

"What do you mean?"

"The BAU. The FBI. I'm leaving it all." There was no emotion to Emily's voice as she said this.

"What? Why? When?" Somehow she was more surprised at this news than Emily's other confession. "Emily, would you please turn around and look at me!"

Emily did as she was told. JJ saw the tears in her eyes and it made her heart ache, knowing she was the cause of Emily's pain.

Emily's voice was firm as she spoke, "I need to move on, JJ. I love this job, but I'm tired of coming home to a cat and a freezer full of frozen dinners."

JJ didn't know what to say. The former media liaison was speechless.

Emily reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. "My plane leaves tonight at 7:15. I got two tickets in case..." Emily trailed off, but they both knew what she meant. "Well, I'll leave it here in case you change your mind." She placed the ticket on the counter next to her. She turned back towards the door and said, "Goodbye JJ..." and with that she was gone.

Emily tried not to look around as she waited in the terminal for her flight to begin boarding. She tried as hard as she could to concentrate on the book she was reading, but every few minutes her eyes would dart towards the entrance, hoping to see a familiar face.

"May I have your attention, please. We will now begin boarding international flight 954 with service to London," came a man's voice over the PA system.

Emily tucked her book away in her bag and rose, but made no motion towards the gate. Her seat was in first class, yet for the next twenty minutes she watched as the rest of the passengers were boarded onto the plane. She wasn't willing to give up just yet.

Finally came the announcement, "Last call for flight 954."

Faced with no alternative, Emily made her way to the representative and handed him her ticket. She walked slowly down the jetway bridge, looking over her shoulder one last time to make sure no one was behind her.

She took her seat in first class, sensing the empty seat next to her as if it was a glaring void. Ordinarily she would have appreciated the extra space. Tonight she would give almost anything to have it occupied.

She watched as the crew finished their preparations, still not willing to give in to what to anyone else would have been obvious. It wasn't until the flight attendant locked the door in place that the finality of JJ's decision finally sunk in for Emily.

Devoid of any emotions, she turned off the overhead light above her and sunk into her seat. She closed her eyes and began a dreamless sleep.

Emily awoke with a start. Her body hurt all over, she had a horrible headache, and her eyelids felt heavy. Her first thought was that she must have slept in an uncomfortable position, due to the confines of her seat on the plane. Quickly, however, she realized that she was laying completely on her back and wasn't on a plane at all. Rather, she was in some strange room, of which she could only see some of, due to her position on her back. She started to try to move when a figure entered her vision. A man.

"Ms. Prentiss, my name is Dr. Stewart," came his voice.

"Where am I? What happened?" Emily's mind felt groggy. A doctor? She wondered if she perhaps had been in a plane crash.

"You're at Boston Medical Center. You were attacked and suffered head trauma and a significant stab wound." This man spoke loudly, as if he knew he needed to to get through the fog in her mind.

"Attacked? By who? And how did I get to Boston?" Despite the significant amount of pain she was in and the heavy sedation she was under, Emily started to move, as if to sit up. She could hear the monitors attached to her start to go crazy as their rhythm became more frantic. Even in her current state, she was coherent enough to know Boston was not on the flight path from D.C. To London.

Dr. Stewart put a hand on her and spoke calmly but very forcefully, "Ms. Prentiss, I need you to calm down. You've lost a lot of blood and your status is still very critical."

The panic within Emily began to rise, "I don't care! I don't know who you are or how I got here!"

Emily felt a hand on her left shoulder, gently pushing her back. "Emily, stop. You need to calm down." She froze at the voice. Her eyes quickly darted to its source.

"JJ..."

The blond smiled slightly, but still looked tense. "Dr. Stewart is right, you need to lay still."

"But I don't understand. What are you doing here? Why are we in Boston? What happened to me?" Nothing was making sense to Emily. Had JJ perhaps changed her mind, she wondered.

A worried and confused look came over JJ's face as she said,"You don't remember? You came to Boston to find Doyle. We managed to track you down, but not before Doyle captured you and tried to kill you. If it weren't for Morgan, you'd be dead."

Doyle? But he was dead and had been for more than six months. What was JJ talking about? "But that's impossible, that was..." it was then that Emily noticed the ID badge clipped to JJ's lapel. Department of Defense, not the FBI.

"You're still with the Pentagon..."

JJ seemed to take this as an indication that Emily hadn't lost her memory and said with relief, "Yes, Hotch brought me in on special assignment to help find you."

Slowly it was sinking in for Emily what was going on. "What's today's date?"

"March 15"

Emily needed to know more, "Year?"

"2011," The worried look was back.

Emily finally relaxed her body, but her mind was moving at a frantic pace as she tried to make sense of the situation. It was 2011. JJ had never come back to the BAU, Emily had never been exiled to Paris, the past year as she knew it hadn't really happened. It all had felt so real... but she must have been dreaming all along. She wondered for how long. "How long have I been here?"

"A little over a week." Not much time, Emily realized with surprise.

"What happened to Doyle?" To her, the real question was if she was in danger and, therefore, if the team thought she was dead.

"He was caught trying to escape out the back of the building where we found you." Well, that's different, Emily thought.

"And Declan?"

JJ smiled, "He's safe, thanks to you."

As Emily lay in the bed, continuing to reflect on her new reality, Dr. Stewart rejoined the frame. He had been reviewing her charts and observing her as she spoke. "Now that you're awake and stable, I'd like to move you to Bethesda," he explained. After flipping through a few more pages of her chart and checking his watch, he added, "We'll probably have to wait until tomorrow."

As JJ spoke to the doctor about the logistics of the move, Emily suddenly felt very dizzy. As the room swirled, Emily felt JJ's hand again touch her shoulder. For the moment this seemed to anchor her.

"You're heavily medicated, Emily," Dr. Stewart explained. "I'm going to give you something to help you sleep."

Before Emily had a chance to protest, the blackness took over.

The next day Emily was propped up in the hospital bed in her room at Boston Medical Center, staring out the window. She could see the flight team prepping the helicopter to transport her. According to Dr. Stewart she had made remarkable progress in the twelve short hours she had been awake, however she still was seriously injured and needed to be moved with the upmost care.

Emily's attention was diverted as JJ opened the door and walked into the room, phone in hand.

"I just got off the phone with Hotch, told him we'll be leaving within the hour," she explained. Also seeing the helicopter, she added, "It will be a relatively short flight and the good news is they're allowing me to ride with you." She turned away from the window and came over to the bed, "If that's okay with you, that is."

"Of course it's okay, JJ," Emily answered. Her voice was still hoarse from the breathing tube they had used before she had stabilized.

JJ smiled. She used her hand to brush some hair out of Emily's face. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," Emily answered, honestly.

Sensing the brunette had something on her mind, JJ asked what she was thinking. Emily thought to herself for a second, mulling over how to respond. She then began to explain to JJ, in very general terms given how much it hurt to talk, some of what she had dreamt while unconscious for the past week.

JJ listened intently, careful not to interrupt. "That's incredible," she said finally, when Emily seemed to have finished. "And it's not entirely off." Emily gave her a questioning look, causing the blond to explain, "I am rejoining the BAU. As a profiler."

"That's great, JJ!" Emily rasped, coughing slightly. Neither spoke for a few seconds until Emily finally gathered the courage to ask what she had been wondering ever since she had realized what was real and what was a dream. "There's more..."

"Yes?"

Emily swallowed and looked at the blond. "I also dreamt that you married Will."

To Emily's relief, JJ laughed, "Really?"

Emily forced a smile and laughed, too.

"Well, _that_ is one thing that will not be coming true!" Emily's heart raced at this, but she said nothing. JJ, however, had noticed her increased heart rate, as the rhythm of the monitor attached to Emily picked up. JJ looked at the machine and then back at the brunette. "Emily, are you okay?"

Emily didn't answer right away. Looking JJ directly in the eyes, finally she spoke, "I'm in love with you, JJ." Seizing upon this window of opportunity, Emily continued, "In my dream I was too late and it crushed me. And even if that's still true now, I just... I need you to know how I feel."

JJ's mouth opened but she stumbled over the words, unsure of what to say, "Emily, I... I..." she trailed off.

Just then there was a knock at the door and the flight team entered the room. "We need to begin the final prep."

This seemed to break JJ's trance. She backed away from the bed and then exited the room. Emily wasn't sure what to think. It hadn't been the reaction she wanted, yet she hadn't been entirely rejected.

Emily was prepped and wheeled towards the helicopter without seeing JJ again. She expected the woman to be waiting in the aircraft, but as she was loaded she realized the blond wasn't there either. Panic, mixed with deja vu, began to rise in Emily as she wondered what kind of irreparable damage she had done.

This time she couldn't bring herself to watch the door to the helicopter, waiting to see if JJ would appear. Instead she stared at the aircraft's ceiling from her position on her back, before she closed her eyes, hoping it would be over soon. Over the noise of the rotors, she could hear the doors locking into place.

To her surprise, she suddenly felt a hand take hers. Her eyes flew open, and locked immediately on the blue eyes staring at her. JJ smiled at seeing that Emily had opened her eyes. She leaned in and gave the brunette a quick kiss on the forehead before sitting up.

Without a headset, Emily knew it was impossible to hear anything that was spoken. But there was no mistaking the words JJ mouthed to her. "You're not too late."


End file.
